How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just high enough for therapy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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