I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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