i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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