The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
