Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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