Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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