I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
