I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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