I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize