Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
