operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
smell my finger.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
