Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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