New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
