Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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