Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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