Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
