My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
