the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The beer is more important than you right now.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
