this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
