If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
