you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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