If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
