Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
