Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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