I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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