Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
