You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
