Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
