Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
