I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
