I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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