yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm too high and old for this...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
