He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
