So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I want is dick and wine.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
