Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Rumble strips road head = magical
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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