oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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