That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
