ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
