I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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