i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
