I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
