Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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