all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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