Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
