I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize