She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
