Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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