I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
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I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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