Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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