So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You are a genius and a whore.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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