break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
