Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
