i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
