Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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