i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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