Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
