Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
