Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
