I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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