He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
