Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
