can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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