I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
