My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
