If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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