Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
