Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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