I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
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I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
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Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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