this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
