I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
