recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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