fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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