She said her name was "party"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
