How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
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he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
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I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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