singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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