I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize